001 Forgiveness

That’s a big word. Not just length, but the meaning. I suppose in this culture, we are expected to do it and move on. I do wonder, how often do we think about the actual meaning as opposed to how we operate? In our quick paced society – we move on. “Forget the past”. How much do we “forget”?

Let’s start off by finding a definition and work from there.

Forgiveness in a definition is: “Forgiveness is the intentional, voluntary decision to release feelings of resentment, anger, and vengeance toward someone who has harmed you. It is a personal process of letting go of grudges to achieve peace of mind, and can even extend to offering forgiveness to yourself.” That’s what google told me at least.

That’s right as a definition, I think there’s more we could say about it. Because for many, forgiveness is more than just one decision. It’s many-many decisions about that person or towards that person that don’t always mean in the moment we feel all warm and fuzzy towards that person.

I like to think of forgiveness as a “Continued effort to love” regardless of what things I maybe feeling in that moment, because I have chosen to forgive. Thus, I will continue to forgive. I think we often associate forgiveness with a one-time moment. When in reality it can take much more than that. Our hearts take a lot longer to catch up than we think they do.

I have started with forgiveness because I see Forgiveness as central to my own journey. I also chose it as for many of us, we have been hurt by many and we may say that we’ve forgiven, but inside it’s not as rosy. We take a look under the “hood” and we find that there is lots of pain. Which for most is very well justified because of what’s happened. Terrible and inexcusable things that need to be recompensed for.

I’m not writing this to tell you that if you don’t forgive someone for X, Y or Z then things aren’t going to go well for you. That’s certainly not true. I do write this to encourage you to explore more so what forgiveness can look like. It could be something like “Sure, let’s get that coffee and talk things out”. Perhaps it’s not talking about things directly and giving someone lift when they are in need or giving a compliment with authenticity.

I believe forgiveness is taking steps actively towards someone to move the relationship forwards. I don’t believe forgiveness means we have to be all fuzzies and best friends with that person. No sir. Especially where things have ended up in abuse etc.

Now, of course there are certain relationships where forgiveness maybe as small as not talking disrespectfully about an ex-partner whilst the kids are around. Or purely an internal dialogue with oneself.

Ultimately, Forgiveness is a heart posture, a perspective and choice (well many!) If you choose it, there is a freedom that comes with it. For those who read and think it an impossible task, my encouragement is this: don’t wait for the feelings to come to act. They rarely do. This one is in our court to act first. Feelings come later.

Take care all, Jesse